Manic Sex Cravings

If any of my family members or anyone else that might not want to hear about my sex life because it may a) scar you or b) cause you to react negatively (judging, gossiping, etc.), please do the right thing and hit the little “X” at the top right corner of your screen now. Everyone else: Welcome to my world!

Being manic for a short period of time can be quite nice. My mood is pleasant and uplifted, I feel more articulate and creative than when I’m depressed, I have more energy and drive so I accomplish more things in shorter amounts of time, and I feel more like a “normal” human. Yes, I know that the word, “normal” is bullshit but that’s how I feel right now, with one exception: I can’t get enough sex.

I’m not usually a very sexually active person. Like, I don’t typically want to have sex more than once or twice a month (right before my period, when my lady hormones are doing their best to make me pass on my genes). When I’m very depressed, I go months without sex or any other related activity. I assume that other people go through sexual spurts (no pun intended) like I do. The difference comes with mania.

When I’m manic, which I am now, I am sexually insatiable. I have sex with my husband multiple times a night, do wilder things in bed, masturbate daily, dream about sex, daydream about sex…you get the point. This is great fun for a day or two. My husband is a good sport, dealing with the decreased sleep and the physical pain from overworked muscles and reproductive parts like a champ. After about three days, which is where I am now, it gets to be too much for both of us. But I still want more.

I cannot speak for my husband’s pain but the most common problems that I experience after too much sexy time are fatigue, painfully sensitive and swollen labia and vagina, and vaginal dryness. These things cause discomfort throughout the day and they’re downright problematic when I try to continue my sexscapades. It doesn’t stop when I’m asleep either.

When I’m manic, I have realistic dreams involving sex. I usually get to the point just before satisfaction, be it penetration or orgasm, and then I wake up. This is slightly frustrating, so I end up masturbating or having fun with my husband. He works most weekdays and Saturdays, so I’m usually on my own. No problem. This girl knows how to take care of herself.

Funny manic story: Several years ago, I was a volunteer co-leader for a scout troop in a small rural village. My fellow co-leader hosted a Pure Romance party and invited me. After the Pure Romance independent sales consultant gave her spiel and passed around a variety of gadgets, lubes, etc., she announced that the party attendees would get to choose one product that would be offered for a discounted rate at that party. When it came time to vote, nobody suggested anything so I called out the name of a butt plug. The other party attendees got strange looks of confusion and amusement on their faces. I would not have done that it I weren’t manic. Discounted butt plugs for everyone!

I have been debating writing this post because it shares some private information about my intimate life, but I love full disclosure and this blog is about my entire life bipolar, not just the things that are easy or safe to talk about. So I hope that you found this informative or at least interesting. If not, you prolly shouda hit that X in the beginning like I told you to 😉

My Psychiatric Drug List

It’s important to keep track of your own psychiatric history drug because you will be asked about it in the future and it is much easier when you have everything written down. I wasn’t smart enough to do this from the beginning, but I requested copies of my medical records later when I was applying for Social Security Disability. This is a running list that I will update as needed.

Antianxiety

  • Ativan 1mg BID (10/07-11/08? check BHR records)
  • Celexa
  • Klonopin 0.25mg, 0.5mg, 1mg PRN (7/05-

Antidepressant

  • Effexor XR 75mg, 150mg (12/03-8/04)
  • Lexapro 10mg, 15mg, 20mg (8/05-11/08? check BHR records)
  • Pamelor HCL 10mg
  • Remeron 15mg
  • Trazodone HCL 50mg
  • Wellbutrin 150mg, 200mg, 300mg (8/04-11/08? check BHR records)
  • Zoloft 100mg (3/03-12/03)

Antimanic

  • Depakote ER 1500mg, 2000mg
  • Lithium ER 300mg (am) + 450mg (pm), 400mg BID, 450mg BID, 1200mg (10/07-11/08? check BHR records)

Atypical Antipsychotic

  • Abilify 5mg, 10mg, 15mg, 20mg (2/06-4/06, 6/06-8/07, 2/08-11/08? check BHR records)
  • Latuda 20mg
  • Geodon 20mg
  • Seroquel XR 150mg, 200mg, 300mg

Mood Stabilizer

  • Lamictal 25mg (2/06-2/06)
  • Topomax 25mg, 50mg, 100mg, 150mg, 200mg, 50mg (am) + 150mg (pm) (3/06-

Eugeroic (Wakefulness-Promoting)

  • Provigil 100mg, 200mg (10/06-4/07)

Central Nervous System Stimulant

  • Ritalin 5mg (6/07-
  • Concerta 18mg (5/07-

Sedative

  • Ambien 10mg, 12.5mg (5/05-7/05, 6/06-7/06, 12/06-2/07, 5/07-)

Herbal & Over The Counter

  • Melatonin
  • Vitamin D3 2000 IUs

 

bold = possible personal gene-drug interaction (based on my GeneSight test results)

Psychiatric Drugs That Impair Memory

I scored a copy of Martha Stewart’s book Living the Good Life: A Practical Guide to Caring for Yourself and Others for fifty cents at Salvation Army last month and I just sat down to read it. Part 1 features a section on brain health and there’s a big list of medications that have been shown to affect memory. There are over 15 classes of drugs listed, from analgesics (pain killers) to steroids. I would like to share the relevant psychiatric drugs here in the name of informed consent.

Antianxiety Drugs

  • alprazolam (Xanax)
  • diazepam (Valium)
  • lorazepam (Ativan)
  • oxazepam (Serax)
  • temazepam (Restoril)
  • triazolam (Halcion)

Antidepressant Drugs

  • amitriptyline (Elavil)
  • imipramine (Tofranil)

Antipsychotic Drugs

  • chlorpromazine (Thorazine)
  • haloperidol (Haldol)
  • thioridazine (Mellaril)

Hormones

  • levothyroxine sodium (Synthroid)

Seizure Drugs

  • carbamazepine (Tegretol)
  • gabapentin (Neurontin)
  • valporic acid (Depakote)

Sleep Drugs

  • zolpidem (Ambien)

I have personally taken a number of these drugs as well as several of the antibiotics, antihistamines, decongestants, anti-nausea drugs, steroids, pain drugs, and hormones and I am certain that long-term use of the psychiatric drugs has caused memory problems. I did not have memory issues until college, which is when my prescriber put me on a bunch of different psych meds. I am 34 years old now and I have significant memory issues. What about you? Have psychiatric drugs impaired your memory? Did you know about this side effect before you agreed to take the drug? How does this make you feel? I am mad (to say the least). I intend to research when it was determined that each of the drugs that I took caused memory problems and, if I was not properly warned before taking the drug, file claims against the makers of the drugs.

My Experience with Geodon

Ziprasidone (the generic form of the antipsychotic drug Geodon) was prescribed to me in the spring of this year because I was experiencing a long-lasting bout of moderate to severe bipolar depression with episodes of rapid cycling bipolar and intrusive suicidal thoughts. Ziprasidone is used to treat acute manic or mixed episodes associated with bipolar disorder and to treat symptoms of schizophrenia. It is also used as a maintenance treatment of bipolar disorder when added to lithium or valproate (Depakote). I took the medication as prescribed (1 20mg capsule by mouth at bedtime with food) along with my other meds (depakote extended release, trazodone, metformin) for four days before I had to stop. Geodon caused me to wake up in the middle of the night every night and have strange thoughts. More specifically, I wanted to go outside and run as fast as I could through the woods behind our house. My sleep was disturbed despite taking trazodone at night for sleep. Complete prescribing information can be found here. FDA (U.S. Food & Drug Administration) can be found here.

Oops

Oops, it has been a minute since I posted. That’s the nature of bipolar. Sometimes I’m hyper-motivated and productive and other times I drop all projects and veg out for weeks or months at a time. Just wanted to pop in and say that I’m here. I’m dealing with rapid cycling, health issues, and employment changes so life is a struggle at the moment, but things will get better.

I rarely experience mania or rapid cycling, so it’s interesting when I do. One of the up sides of mania for me is increased sex drive. The down side to this is that I can be insatiable. So there’s that. Can’t get enough. I’m wearing my husband out.

I often feel more angry when I’m manic too. I keep going to sleep wondering if I could punch through the bedroom wall. I’m not sure why I’m angry at night, but I bet that I could punch through the wall. It’s plaster because our house is like 116 years old. I don’t want to have to fix the wall though, so I’m making responsible choices. Win.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you know what I’m up to. I’ll make an effort to post more regularly 😉

Shameless

I started watching Shameless on Netflix about a month ago and I am halfway through season 5 already. I like it for several reasons, one of which is the excellent portrayal of bipolar disorder in both Monica and Ian Gallagher. Spoiler alert: if you haven’t watched through season 5 episode 8, you may want to skip this post for now.

I didn’t “get” Monica until the Thanksgiving dinner episode, at which time I knew as soon as she stood up from the table that she was going to do something terrible. In terms of “highs” and “lows,” I spend most of my time depressed and I tend to get suicidal. Unfortunately, I also get impulsive. As Monica and Ian show us, depressed + suicidal + impulsive = danger.

When Ian was acting strange after going MIA from the army, I wasn’t sure if it was drugs or mania but when he wouldn’t get out of bed for days, I knew.

The one thing that I would say is that my experience in psych wards was slightly different from what Monica and Ian experienced. I have been in three different wards. Two things:

  1. Psych wards have nightly “checks,” in which hospital staff look into your room at night to make sure that you are in bed, okay, and that you’re not getting into trouble. So, Monica’s nighttime sexytime with the other patient is something that isn’t likely to happen.
  2. The guard at the hospital got rough with Ian. I have never experienced or witnessed unnecessary force in a psych ward. I’m sure that it happens, but I don’t think it is common.

I’m up to the point where Ian says that he flushed his meds because they make him feel awful. If you have never taken medicine for a mental illness, you can’t possibly understand what it’s like. And you can’t understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness if you don’t have one, but this show can help you to get a feeling for it. It’s refreshing to see bipolar accurately portrayed in a show. I tried watching Homeland, a series in which Claire Danes plays a CIA agent with bipolar disorder. I thought that show did okay, but Shameless does much better. Consider watching it.

Nighttime Is The Worst

I love winding down at the end of the day with my husbeast and our furbabies before bed, but bedtime is often tough. This is the time of the day when my thoughts shift to all of the things that I am worried about. There’s always something.

I lay in bed trying to sleep and I get more and more agitated. My thoughts and heart race. I get fidgety and start tossing and turning. Sometimes I cry. This effects my sleep, both in quality and quantity.

After really bad nights, I can’t get up when I’m supposed to in the morning because I’m too tired. If I have cried a lot, I’ll have puffy eyes and a headache for most of the day. I have quit jobs and flaked out on friends and families because of this. Last night was rough, but it’s a new day.